I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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