i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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