i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
