I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
