I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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