so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
