They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
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