i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
