Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
