So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
