I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
