3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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