: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
