Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Ladies don't puke and tell
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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