we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Randomize
