dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Betty ford says i'm here all night
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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