Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
