he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
she pinky promised me she was 18
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
