Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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