I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Boobs are out for the taking
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
