Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
