I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
