why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
The power of my boobs compel you
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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