I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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