Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
In America we eat man semen.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
