So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
