Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
They are going to name an STD after you.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
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