I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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