i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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