He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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