my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
