Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
