Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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