I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
