I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
