Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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