A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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