Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
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