I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Panties = found
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
