This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
