so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
