arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Randomize
