I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
