i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Randomize
