Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
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