Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
