You made me cry and you don't even care
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
