you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
