I smell stomach acid.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I will pee on everything he values.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
