I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
