Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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