We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
