Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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